| > | | | | being mistreated and I DO CARE and I WILL do |
| I've come to the conclusion that it's okay to be "not | | | | something about it no matter what anyone else says. |
| fine." | | | | Example: I saw a man being wheeled by one nurse, |
| When people ask me how I'm doing lately, I don't | | | | while the other tagged behind with his I.V. The nurse |
| rattle off a list of complaints and observations, sad | | | | with the I.V. stopped and the other kept going. |
| feelings and grievances - as a matter of fact, I just | | | | Obviously this resulted in a lot of discomfort for the |
| might say, "I'm okay." However, I admit that within | | | | patient as the lines got tangled around his neck. He |
| myself things are NOT fine and try to work through | | | | had to say, "Hey, what are you doing?" The nurses |
| the feelings that creates. | | | | laughed. I had to let air out of my balloon. It was |
| I don't need to share with others all of the time. It's | | | | wrong. I couldn't keep still and silently watch this. The |
| good to vent to a friend and I don't discount that. | | | | man's pillow fell to the floor and the nurses were too |
| But, I've learned that I'd better vent with myself and | | | | busy laughing to realize the patient was struggling to |
| acknowledge my feelings or I, like a balloon with too | | | | get comfortable. Finally, one of them saw the pillow |
| much air, will POP. | | | | and plunked it BESIDE his head, not under it. They |
| Embrace the good and the not so good in your life. | | | | didn't CARE and that bothered me. My balloon was |
| Don't run from it or try to bury it. | | | | filling fast. How did I let some air out? I took action. I |
| By doing this; by saying to myself that I am NOT | | | | did what I knew was right in my gut. I walked up |
| fine right now, I can work through my feelings more | | | | behind the man and said, while grabbing his pillow, "Do |
| easily. | | | | you need help with this?" |
| How do I do it? It's taken me while to figure it out | | | | "Yes," he replied. |
| and I don't have all the answers. But, 'self allowance' | | | | Big deal. I put the pillow under his head and he was |
| is very important. | | | | comfortable. He doesn’t know whether I was |
| I'm not advocating DWELLING in your problems. I'm | | | | a nurse or a stranger. It doesn't matter. He felt |
| suggesting that you allow yourself to FEEL. The | | | | better and so did I. I helped, BUT why didn't the |
| world isn't always sunshine and smiles and if you try | | | | nurses? |
| to force yourself into that very high, unrealistic | | | | I won't settle for that anymore. I can't save the |
| expectation, you'll eventually POP! | | | | world, but I can do my part. |
| I've done it, so I know. | | | | That's letting air out of my balloon, too. |
| You've got to let some air out of your balloon. | | | | I've learned that when life gets too heavy, it doesn't |
| Give the air to God. | | | | mean you're WEAK if you admit it. It took a long |
| So, I acknowledge and embrace these parts of | | | | time for me to get there. Tears don't equate to |
| myself right now. I allow myself to feel hurt and cry. | | | | weakness. They are God's way of allowing you to |
| I turn to God for help and guidance and I ask for | | | | cleanse your soul. I always had this crazy idea that if |
| more strength. | | | | you can't handle things, you're weak. That's bologna. |
| Here are some examples: | | | | That's what God is for. |
| My heart is ripped apart over the fact that my | | | | So, let air out of your balloon. Cry if you have to. |
| fiance's Dad has just been diagnosed with cancer. I | | | | Help if you feel it's needed but are afraid of doing it. |
| HATE being in the hospital seeing him suffer. I | | | | Voice a complaint if you have one. Allow yourself to |
| DETEST the fear that I feel and see and smell. I | | | | 'be'. Let yourself know that you need to recharge |
| want to fall apart when I see the pain in my fiance | | | | once in a while and accept the fact that it's okay to |
| eyes. I am NOT okay with this. It hurts, and it hurts | | | | let the injustices you see bother you. More |
| a lot. I cannot always be the pillar of strength I have | | | | importantly, do something about them if you can. |
| expected myself to be. I lose it sometimes and I am | | | | Accept that you get tired and need to nurture |
| finally saying to myself that it's okay to do that. I ask | | | | yourself, too. If you're running around caring for |
| God to help me. I need His strength so that I can be | | | | others, know that it's draining and that there's only |
| strong. | | | | so much you can take before your balloon starts to |
| If I don't, my balloon will pop. | | | | fill too much. Don't punish yourself for needing rest. |
| I can't always 'be there' without replenishing my | | | | REST. Let go of the guilt. Guilt fills balloons very |
| resources. I don't have unlimited strength. I need time | | | | quickly. |
| alone to embrace myself and my needs. I have to | | | | If a balloon has the right amount of air in it, it's |
| re-charge my batteries so that I CAN be there for | | | | beautiful, light, floating, colorful and vibrant. Just like |
| others. I cannot do it alone. I am not meant to be | | | | you. |
| the 'Energizer Bunny' because I am human. | | | | © Ellen M. |
| It DOES get to me when I see a patient in a hospital | | | | |